Most of the time, I think of each separately, and never really about each as part of a bigger whole. They teach us in the military to strive to be the best, to include all the parts of the “whole airman concept”. These aspects are not exactly what they pushed us to be, but now that I have re-found my faith, I see where each is very important to me. They all roll into one person who can be truly happy. To be truly loving. Truly on the path to the most critical future, one that we cannot even comprehend. I learned that spirituality is more than my religion; it is for everyone, and how their “spirit” is or is not kept intact through the many and often complex years of life. The best way to explain it to someone not of faith is that everyone has a spirit. When you hear someone talking about “breaking your spirit”, they are usually talking about your willingness to persevere, your ability to climb out of the holes we have dug for ourselves or over the speedbumps that come racing at us.
Faith: Of course, faith is what we believe, not only what I think “in” but what I have hope for. That hope can be used to strengthen faith; knowing what you want to be and where you want to go is a driving factor. Remember that you must be a person of love, kindness, humility, and honesty. Be sure to include yourself in each of those; you cannot take care of others if you do not. I know that is often easier said than done, and probably a practice I should start to follow. I have always been a people pleaser. But it is easy to make people happy without caring for yourself. (very sarcastically) Just push those feelings down deep and never let them show. My dad’s famous words are “never better”. Not very smart, as I have come to learn. I suffer from chronic depression and have never really learned how to overcome it. I take lots of medications and try to make it known when I need to be alone, but that doesn’t always work because I am always trying to make everyone else happy.
Family: My family has gotten to know me better these last few years as I have been more open about hiding my feelings. My daughter and my husband are so considerate of me sometimes, too. My daughter has been giving me opportunities to be alone, and she even seems to plan these times for me. What a great young woman she is growing into. I know that my family has a history of mental issues like depression, but I also know that, being the absolute baby of my generation, there is most likely more out there than we even know. In the 70s, they didn’t talk about those things; before that, even less. My father, for example, also has chronic depression, but he is too much of a man to admit it. Someone who grew up in the 50s, like he did, was taught that men don’t cry, men don’t show emotions, and he has been pushing his feelings down for far too long. I have never seen my father shed a tear, not even when my mom passed away, and I am sure that he could benefit from a good, hard cry. I did get him drunk one night and thought he was finally going to do it, but all I got was for sure welling up eyes as he talked about mom and how beautiful she was and how perfect she was. As he was “drunk swaying” at the kitchen counter when he said “Jenny, I miss her every fucking day!” and I think that was the most real I think I have ever seen my father. I do not EVER want to lose my dad, but I know how he longs for the day he sees her again. I Love You, Dad!
Health: both physical and mental are equally essential and can affect each other positively and negatively. I spoke with a woman at work today about the old cliché “you are what you eat,” and she made it make sense. If you fuel yourself with garbage, you will run like garbage. We all know this already, but doing it is the hard part. Even in the 70s, they had cartoon commercials about feeding your body healthy foods like fruit and cheese– “I Hanker for a Hunka cheese”. Ahhh, the memories. Now with that, I feel like your nutrition can affect your mental health as well, not directly, but as it affects your body, your brain will catch up. Aaaand as I wrote that, I realized “hey, the brain is part of my body, so I guess it does affect my body directly. Maybe I should study nutrition, then I would know what to eat that will lift my spirits or keep me energetic. I’d “be jolliest asshole this side of the nut house.” Clark Griswold in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Spiritual Wholeness: Can you put them all together and balance them out? You have spiritual wholeness. And honestly, when you think about it, it should be so easy, in theory, but we are all so lacking. Not one single factor has not been instilled in us from the moment of creation, yet we still fail and waste ourselves. We should live for God and each other, but we all live for ourselves. And we all do it just by living this life. You need to eat, you need to sleep, and you need money to do all of that, and so we work for the luxuries of the world.
And yes, I know I am a hypocrite because I still put myself 2nd to everything but love new things. I have tried to learn to put myself first, but I am far from mastering that balance. Thank God for my daughter, who can practically sense when I need to be alone. She understands me very well. Thank You, and I Love You, Caitlin!
Now, from my perspective and as a Catholic (and I say this only of my own opinion), we all know what is expected of us, but in this day and age, we all see these things as impossible, too much to ask for, or even just unrealistic. But we have put ourselves in this position by progressing as a human race. Thou Shalt Not Murder is pretty basic and easy, right, but even since the first murder (Cane and Abel), there have been those out there who still move that way in life. But what about the other commandments: Lying, cheating, stealing… they are simple to keep. Just do the right thing, always. But we have all done some of these things at some point in our lives, and while I know I have been forgiven for who I used to be, I still think about all of the non-sins I do. I do not love my neighbor as I love myself, honor my father and mother, and even keep the Holy Sabbath. None of these sounds too complicated, yet here we are in a sinful world full of hate and jealousy. Maybe if we just put Him first in every action we make, we might start to get it right.
Then there are the seven deadly sins: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Can I honestly say I don’t encompass some of these daily? Nope. I am still Jealous of my sister. I still spend money on new things way more than necessary. I still want to do nothing… always. And there are still four more.
Chin up, it is not just you! It is EVERYONE!!
